Who are you when you are not a mother?

This question had been really difficult for me to answer, until yesterday. Until my child turned 2.5 years old. Until he started finding comfort with others in the house. Until he made me realise that he needs space without me too.

A few months ago, I was asked to introduce myself in a forum. It was supposed to be a short 5–7 minute talk. Simple, right? I started preparing. But to my surprise, I couldn’t define myself beyond being a mom. Strange, right? But at the time, I thought, what’s wrong with that? That is who I am right now, and who I’ve been for the past two years. That’s my identity. That’s me.

People around me kept asking, “Who is Ishita besides a mother?” But I struggled to answer that. I struggled to reach that deeper layer of self. Motherhood had taken over so fully that I found it hard to remember who I was outside of it.

Now, some of you might say, “That’s what you are now. Why try to go back to your old self when everything has changed?” I had that same question. And yes, this idea of a “rebirth” during childbirth is very real. So maybe there is no single right answer, until one day you start noticing that your child is growing beautifully, learning to adapt, forming bonds with others beyond you. That shift begins to free up space inside you, too.

Since I breastfed him until he was 2 years and 3 months old, I believe it took longer for us to enter this “less dependent” phase. The breastfeeding bond was deep and hard to let go of. But once I did, I was glad I let go at the right time. He started sleeping better. And his better sleep meant my sleep improved too. That little change gave me just enough energy to begin doing things I like again, things I had put on pause.

So I asked myself: Do the people asking about Ishita have a point? Does she still exist? Or do I need to build her all over again?

I began reconnecting with things I used to love before I became a mother. To be honest, I started a few of them early maybe 3–4 months postpartum, but there was no rhythm, no consistency. Nothing that made me feel like me. But slowly, things like writing, yoga, painting, speaking, talking to people, or just journaling in quiet moments… they started taking me back. Back to the space where I feels at home.

Where I’m not just a mother, but a girl, a woman with dreams, hopes, abilities, and the individuality to grow into the best version of herself, as a person and a mother.

That’s when I started to see the fine line between being a mom and being a woman.

Taking care of myself now means my child is learning how to take care of himself—how to be happy in his own skin, how to make space for things he loves. When I show up for myself, it doubles what I’m giving to him.

No, the journey isn’t easy. I’m still walking it, figuring out how to be a mother and, at the same time, finding my way back to me. Some of us reach that point sooner, others take a little longer. Just like every child is unique, every mother is too, and so is every path to rediscovering who we are.

If you haven’t found yourself again yet, it’s okay. You’re not lost, you’re just still unfolding. But, you’ll get there. 🙂

Tell me about your journey to individuality, what helped you feel like you again?
Let’s talk!